top of page
Search

Bacardi 151

"... Close your legs to married men!"



Couz!

I do apologize if the quote in the beginning is misleading but how could you possibly forget the infamous quote by the Nene Leakes?! You'll see why it's there soon.

The episode titled "Bacardi 151" is a beautiful example of duality from the host; Naikey interviewed her sister, Tina Lenescat, as her sister but also as a journalist: being surprised by some of Tina's answers but still asking the hard questions.

To begin the discussion, Naikey asks "What does Lekol Legliz Lakay mean to you?", naturally.

Tina, with some laughter responded jadedly: growing up in church but not wanting to go, going to school and not wanting to go, and being at home and not wanting to stay there. Tina also associated the term with bondage saying "... this was not meant for my growth" - not being able to find herself in the infamous phrase "Lekol Legliz Lakay", but finding her parents aspirations instead.

The sister pair then began to talk about mental health. I am so happy that here at Lekol Legliz Lakay, we welcome the honest and sometimes emotional conversations relating to our mental health - especially with the entire realm of that conversation not being the easiest to talk about while growing up in a Haitian household.

"When I started experiencing anxiety, I didn't have the verbiage to express this to anyone; My auto pilot was smoking and drinking".

Typically, when a person starts to use alcohol and other substances as a coping mechanism versus for recreational or medicinal purposes, things can take a turn for the worse - Bacardi 151.



Tina completely blacked out one night while she was away at college. Although she remembers some parts of that night - when things started to be clear was after she was already discharged from the hospital - and her parents were already on campus. Somehow, between the people she was with, the hospital and the faculty at the school, her family was contacted and notified of the incident.

"My mom wanted to know who made me do this" - and we all know that's always the first assumption with Haitian parents, not why you did something but who influenced you to do it. But her father's concerns were more of "...why did Tina act like that and why she did that". Going deeper into the conversation Naikey wondered "I wonder if Haitians know what anxiety and depression is".

Tina jokingly but seriously asked is she a san wont after drinking to nearly blacking out yet again only two weeks later - and cut her hair off which she says was a cry for help. Tina reached a point where she had to fall off the grid - disappearing and dropping out of the extracurriculars she was involved in - she had to get her life together.

"It was a fight with an opponent I didn't understand..." describing her battle with anxiety and depression. Tina was internalizing a lot at this time: her parents leaned on her to explain test results (related to their heath) and insurance, along with dealing with her parents' health issues.

Through all of this, she felt like her life at that moment was a story of mental health and a distorted view of God. Tina correlated her anxiety and depression with God punishing her for her lifestyle choices, hence the distorted view of God.

Now, in retrospect, she realizes that it was purely the enemy. Tina gave her life back to God reluctantly, feeling like a slave.



Somewhere in the middle of it all, Tina fell in love and described it as a movie love story. Tina continued to love this person for years, but knew she could not be with him - she started to experience things she couldn't put words to.

Side not: Naikey pointed out how she's happy they could have this conversation, but she feels like when Christian girls deviate from what is expected of them - which happens and is normal because WE ARE HUMAN, and things happen - that its the other Christian girlies dragging girls who open up about their personal journeys the most, when they aren't even solid in their own faith. I know this to be very factual so if you're that girl, instead of being a mean girl just mind the business that pays you if you don't have anything nice or uplifting to say at all.

Tina eventually broke up with her then boyfriend, but started to have issues with commitment - she was scared to commit due to the anxiety she experienced after that previous break up. She came to the realization that she was broken and in that broken state, she was consuming other people. She said she tried to go to God for the healing she needed but at the time felt like God was publishing her as well - that the anxiety was God's punishment.

So, Tina started to pray for God to end her life. She said living was hell, suicide would be hell and leaving God will result in hell, and that praying to God to end her life felt like the only viable option.

But 2020 was her year of enlightenment and break through.



Tina was considered an essential worker during the 2020 COVID Pandemic - but had to stay home for two weeks because her father had tested positive for COVID-19. This was also around the time where she felt the spirit of death in her life.

Tina described herself holding her breath in her sleep - what some may know as sleep apnea. She had no vision for the future while again, still hoping God would take her life.

During her times of deeper thoughts, she would reminisce about college thinking it was great, but God revealed to her that those days were not her great days, that her great days are ahead.

Fast forward some time, she realized that God was always with her from the beginning, and God was a reassuring voice, and the fear she was hearing wasn't God. Her fear and anxiety were a pseudo Holy Spirit - and this was a very pivotal moment for Tina. She could tell when she was hearing the voice of God from the voice of fear, and realized that when God would talk to her, he did not come from a place of fear.

"The enemy had created such a deep system..." and did not need to be present for her to feel the implications of this system. Tina says she relied on that system thinking it was the voice of God - but it wasn't - for years!

"Where are you today?" Naikey asks her sister.

"I am at a good place today".

"I am not the same person".

"In my darkest hour - the only one capable of getting me out was God".

Tina also let us know that she's married now and that God used her husband to heal her - but made sure to reassure us that this story is not about how to get a man, rather that God knew that was the only place she would face him and that he was the right vessel.

"God desires that you have a straight shot to him" and explained that now that she understands that it is her responsibility to seek God.

Tina and Naikey ended the show in a prayer specifically for women who could relate to Tina's story along with being thankful to have the opportunity to tell her story!

The sister duo definitely had a blast talking about something that can sometimes be tough - but all in all it was a healthy conversation full of learning and understanding.

And as we come to a close for this blog piece, don't forget to check on your siblings and friends, you never know what that one phone call, text or pop-up may prevent or mean to someone.

But guys it's May, and to end on a lighter note, Happy Haitian Heritage Month, Happy Memorial Day and its officially Summer!

Cheers

With love,

Sarah Chanel

19 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comments


Post: Blog2_Post
bottom of page